My life.

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34, lying on the couch, feeling like I’m 23
11 years passed and I still have the same dream
Somewhere up in the sky, floating above me
An image burning bright, I can so clearly see
One that I’m struggling to pull to the ground
All I’ve got is silence, I can’t make a wave, I can’t make a sound
It’s strange to be happy but still inside somewhere there is a frown
The halls are narrow, these halls are dark
My god it would be a miracle if somehow I could create a spark
There hasn’t been a fire here in years
Just dark colored walls plastered with my fears
A boy inside, his screams are sincere
The man I am, struggles to hear
What will it take to wake up and let it all out?
Have you ever sat around wondering about all the talent that you have
And why it’s packed away collecting dust, it makes you blue, it makes you mad
Some days you paint it black and others you feel the light
But what’s going to make it alright?
I guess I got more battles, because this war here is called my life.

-Andrew

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Love for my Life

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When a part of your purpose is that there is no plan, it is easy to get caught up thinking that something is wrong, that something is off. “I should have a traditional career by now, I should have a mortgage by now, I should have children by now…” I don’t have any of that. I weave dreams into reality. That is what I do. Each new adventure, each new place, each new experience: I drive to my dreams and then create new dreams. I have love for my life now.

This life isn’t perfect. Shit breaks in the RV, I don’t make as much money as I used to and what I am trying to build is going to take a lot of patience. YouTube, the blog, the podcast – these things take time. Living the RV life is strange. Some days you are getting bit by a dog at the RV park and other days you are visiting the grand canyon. Rainy days are boring, but the sun reminds you why you chose this lifestyle. Without the lows, without the days you are pushed to your limits, the magical days on the beach, mountains and desert just wouldn’t be as sweet.

If anyone tries to tell you that living in an RV doesn’t have any cons then they are bull shitting you like the internet loves to do. You are dealing with a small space, your cat is playing around in the litter box presenting a lovely aroma throughout the RV, you find leaks, your slide floor is FUBAR, etc. BUT, I got to say, it’s better than officially being homeless…

I like my life. No, I love my life. And I don’t think that was the case a long time ago. I went from depression and confusion to having more certainty and joy in my life. There is more light than darkness. It’s not all light, but I own more of my personal space than I ever have. I’m good with that, but it does not mean I will stop. There are many mountains to climb. Each present challenges and lessons to be learned. Each mountaintop is a victory,  a milestone and a new perspective.

If I was handed it all in the beginning, I would not learn patience or gratitude. I would not truly know joy. I wouldn’t be learning commitment and connectivity. It is through pain and struggle I have learned my strength, a strength I don’t need to prove to others and a strength not harnessed in a gym.

Something that surprises me is when I see people who have it all; family, big dreams, money, travel – but something is still off. So off that you need to take time away from a dream career to get yourself back in order or so off that you end up committing suicide…. It’s heartbreaking and sad to see. I know depression. I know pain. It’s ugly. It’s an internal war that not everyone always notices. This is why I believe health is so important. Self-awareness is important. Taking risks and following your dreams – it’s all important. In the end though we are human. You can have it all, you can feel god like, but shit can still go south and I don’t mean south for the winter. Life isn’t perfect, but nowadays – I love mine.

Find Your Freedom,

Andrew

3/29/19 | AZ

Living a Reversed Life

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We were sold a lie, weren’t we? Work really hard and if you are lucky, you might just enjoy the the remainder of your life. We tend to look at life as mostly being about work. It isn’t until the end of your life that you can actually do what you want to do… That seems a bit off to me. I know this article might piss some people off, but it is something that I think is important to talk about.

My wife and I have been living and traveling in an RV full-time for almost a year now. I’m in my early 30’s and my wife is in her late 20’s. We have never come across people our age that are doing what we are doing. I know with certainty that there are people our age doing van life or RV life, but we just have yet to cross paths with them. Most people doing this are much older and retired. There is nothing wrong with that, but I personally want to do this now while I am still relatively young and healthy. I prefer to live the reversed life…

I already have enough college debt as it is, thinking of having a mortgage or having children just does not seem like a responsibility I am interested at this point in my life. I like the freedom. I don’t feel lost on this journey. If anything this voyage is helping me become more okay with letting go of control, being comfortable in the unknown and being present. Plans don’t always come to fruition in life, especially living in an RV. There is a great deal of room for spontaneity to breathe.

What I notice is that most people tend to go from being a child to being a parent. Adulthood is completely skipped. I like the idea of being an adult for a while. Nobody is responsible for me and I am not responsible for anyone else. There is freedom in that and with my freedom I choose adventure and art, creating as I go. Movement is what I love, whether it is feeling my own energy running internally and / or we are kayaking down a river. Energy likes to move. I like to move 🙂

My goal is to be as healthy as possible even in older age, but I still prefer doing the adventurous activities NOW. I talk with many people from around the world every day and I notice something disturbing and that is how much higher education is shoved down our throats. Study hard, get into a lot of debt and potentially struggle to find a job where your real responsibility is to power someone else’s dream. Maybe I’m just too radical, I don’t know, but after a while, I just didn’t have the energy anymore to power something I did not care about or believe in. What I believe in is myself. I believe in my dreams. And that is what I want to supply power to.

Most of the world operates on the following levels; survival, emotional and an action oriented level. Something is missing. Spirit. And that is the direction we are all heading and will eventually go deeper into; identity, inner voice, neutrality, clarity, and knowing the age old questions. We fear death primarily because we identity as the body. What if we identify as a spiritual being WITH a body? It is a slow evolution on the planet, but it is happening, one chakra at a time 🙂

If you could live a reversed life, what would you be doing now? That thing you are pushing off until the later years of your life, what is that and what would it be like if you were doing it NOW?

Find Your Freedom,

Andrew

3/23/19 | AZ

 

 

A different kind of COURAGE

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I was watching an episode of the Joe Rogan Podcast when he had Henry Rollins as a guest. If you don’t know who he is, he was the vocalist for Black Flag. They were talking about their inability to work a traditional job. It was a relief to hear that from other people who found success in taking a non traditional path in life. When I was going through one of my spiritual trainings, my teacher told me that working for others would never really work for me. It rang true. I’ve had many jobs and I would either get bored really quickly because there was no longer any room for growth or I would have an issue with whomever was in charge. Henry Rollins mentioned how he didn’t have the courage to just grind it out in a job he hated. I thought that was an interesting way to put it. I quickly realized, I too do not have the courage to just grind it out in doing something I despise. I just can’t. Feel free to judge me, I don’t really care, but I just know myself very well. I’m not better or worse. I’m just me.

Henry Rollins went on to say how he admired those who had the courage to just grind it out, regardless if they liked what they were doing. I admire those who can do that as well, but I would always hope that people doing that eventually shift towards their truth. Anyway, I do believe there is a different kind of courage. It’s the courage to be a pioneer, to go off in your own direction. It’s scary, but this is all I know. I have had so many jobs and it literally feels painful thinking about returning to those jobs. Joe Rogan mentioned how he was doing construction and he felt like he was being poisoned. That felt so good to hear because he has male energy written all over him, yet he is living such an unconventional lifestyle. He does commentary for the UFC, has a podcast and is a stand up comedian. It’s just felt good to hear that because most of what you hear in life is to just suck it up. We are told that as an adult – LIFE SUCKS. I have experienced this, but I knew there was more to life than boredom or a varying degree of despair.

How about LIFE IS AMAZING? Now that is something I can subscribe to. Sure, there are ups and down no matter what, life isn’t perfect, but it doesn’t have to be mediocre or bad.   Life is going to hand you a plate and you either work with whatever you have on your plate or you get yourself a new one. I don’t have the courage to just take the plate I got and ride it out. I do, however, have the courage to get myself a new plate. A plate that represents me and what I love. It isn’t easy, just like how showing up to a job you hate is, but I’m more than happy to take the risk and embrace the unknown…

Find Your Freedom,
Andrew

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