Midlife Crisis: the Gateway to your TRUTH?

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I was talking to a student on Cambly (a platform where I teach english) and the topic of the “Mid-Life Crisis” came up. What I was noticing was the weight of the external expectations hindering his ability to really believe in himself and his dreams. This is something that I have struggled with and see many others have difficulties with. There comes a point in your life where you are going to have to make a decision – do you put all your energy into the expectations (usually from parents, society, etc) and play it safe? Or do you choose your dream and risk disappointing those around you? And trust me, ignoring this is very much a choice – one that will bite you in the ass later in life, wether it is the “mid-life crisis” or the regret felt when confronting death. 

I remember this student asking me well what if you choose your dream and fail? That’s a great question. Because it is a real possibility you could simply just fail and never achieve your dream, right? This is my greatest fear. This fear goes beyond any of my other fears. It goes beyond public speaking and performing. The thought of not achieving major dreams in my life would crush me. 

I’m bit of radical individual though. I don’t do life like most. My dreams are everything to me, they always have been. I’m not the type of person where I give myself only 5 years to achieve my dream then I just move on and do what everyone else wants me to do. I’m the type of guy that will spend my entire life pursuing a dream. If I don’t achieve it then I can make my departure knowing I gave it my all. I would rather that than playing it safe. 

Here is what I think though. If you start believing in yourself, can visualize your dream clearly and are putting the time and energy to grow towards your dream – then I think you have a good shot. The key is patience. We need to give our dream time to manifest. If it takes five years great, but what if it needs ten or fifteen years? Would you be willing to have that level of commitment? 

The mid-life crisis is when the lie or the expectation of who you are and / or what you are supposed to do in life begins to fall apart. The lie can no longer live on. It feels like a fucking nightmare and that is because it is. You are stuck in someone else’s picture, someone else’s energy. The key when dealing with a mid-life crisis is perspective. When a lie is falling apart, that means something new is just around the corner. What is underneath the lie? What is around the corner? What would your new journey look like?

Sure I know, who really wants to start over in life? Especially in older age, right? I have started over many times and yes I am only in my early 30’s, but people have started late in life and went on to achieve great things. If you have not noticed, I am very passionate about dreams. I love hearing about peoples dreams and I love seeing people achieve their dreams. It’s awesome. I want to inspire others to go after their dreams. I believe in the human spirit and believe in dreams. Dreams are important. It is the food for the soul. It is the food for YOU. 

I have so much ground to cover, but traveling is one of my dreams. That is what I am doing right now and before that, it was a small business. I can’t tell you how many times I have failed or fucked up. Too many times to count. The path to your version of success is absolutely messy. It isn’t perfect. All I know at this point is that I will continue to grow toward my other dreams that I have.

Sure, avoiding a mid life crisis would be nice to avoid, but if it happens, perhaps it could be viewed not just as a terrible event in your life, but as a gateway to your TRUTH.

-Andrew

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An Unexpected Rant on College

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Well, today is my first event of the month. I am doing energy healing and aura readings at a spiritual store in Elgin, IL. Being able to read new people is always fun and exciting. The weather is kind of shitty right now, so hopefully people come out today. 

When I lived in Wilmington, NC I used to do readings and energy work at a local spiritual shop. For a little while, that is how I made a living. I was working at bed bath and beyond stocking shelves and wasn’t enjoying it, so I quit. I took a risk and it worked. I was able to make money from teaching and doing readings and then had plenty of time to practice music. That is what I’m looking to regain back. Teaching and practicing music. 

I do miss having a studio to work on music. It is not the same working on vocals in a RV, but it is better than nothing right? I guess what I miss is having a PA system. I like the feeling of holding a mic, pacing around and being as loud as I want. This is the compromise though. If I want to travel then I got to take what I can get. It is much easier to practice vocals than playing drums in a RV though – haha!

I recognize I have a big mountain to climb. I really do, but I’m excited about the small steps I have to take. I think we tend to look at life as if you don’t make it by the time your thirty, then you just need to get a “real” job, forget your dreams and move on. I think we start to feel the pressure. It’s the internal programming that starts to kick in; time to get that steady job, time to get married, time to get a house, time to buy a bunch of furniture, time to get pets, time to have kids, time to get that pool, time to…

I’m not saying those things are bad (I’m married and have pets), but they all just seem very automatic. Same thing goes with school; its pre-school, kindergarten, elementary, middle, high school, college, more college… I think some people enjoy the academic world and some education is necessary for certain professions, but I think a lot of our education is an absolute waste of time and money. At this point in time, you really just need to know the basics to function as an adult in our society; reading and writing, basic math, earning money, communication, cooking, cleaning, etc. Now we not only have books but we have the internet to learn as well. I just think there is so much pressure to be “successful.” And how do you be “successful?” You go to school so you can apparently get a really good job, a job you may not even like because you didn’t have enough time to think about what you really wanted out of life, but now you are stuck because you already spent a lot of time, energy and money on that degree. Hey I’ve been there. I regret the debt, but I don’t regret my experience. I was pursuing a degree I love, but I just realized school was unnecessary to achieve my dreams. 

I think that instead pushing college onto kids, why not encourage them to become more self aware. That would be dangerous though right? Because then they would feel comfortable just being themselves. They would just naturally pursue the things that made them happy instead of going off and working a job to make everyone else happy. I think parents enjoy talking to their friends and even strangers about how they son or daughter is going to a university. Would parents be just as excited to tell others that their child is off traveling the world? Would parents be just as excited to tell others that their child is pursuing stock car racing? Music? Starting a business? Modeling? Writing? Photography? Maybe, maybe not…

I know I’m putting college down pretty hard here, but a certain amount of education is important to live in this society and to work certain jobs, but I don’t think it is needed for most things in life. I don’t think it needs to be force fed down our throats as we are growing up. I think what is really important is learning basic responsibilities, self discovery and the pursuit of dreams or whatever makes you happy. I think its a really shitty feeling being in college and still not really knowing who you are or what you want. And there you are counting down the days until you have to be an adult and start paying back your school loans. Unless you have rich parents, that is terrifying. That is a recipe for depression and anxiety in my opinion. Why don’t we just teach kids the basics on how to be an adult and give them a little time and space while they are young to discover themselves and their passion. Let them start life out right, not with debt, confusion, depression and anxiety. 

If I have children, I would want to introduce responsibility during their teenage years. I want to encourage them to go get a job and see what it is like to work for someone else. If they don’t mind it then great, but if they don’t like it, I want to also show them how to be entrepreneur. I want to show them how to be self motivated and create their own job or small business. I want to give them options so they can choose what works best for them so they don’t feel like they are just going to be inevitably stuck in something terrible. I want to teach them to be self aware. I want them to feel like they can be themselves and that they have options, not a bunch of limitations. Of course though, having a child can change everything and with most things in life – not everything goes according to plan…

This blog really went in a direction I was not anticipating haha. I just think we need to do better. If going to college didn’t lead me to all the spiritual trainings I took, I think I would be much more upset. But, that is all the past and here I am on the road. 

I think there is this picture that gets passed around. A picture that says success is having a college degree. Success is wearing a suit. Success is having a big house in the suburbs. How about success is just having what YOU want. Maybe success is you being happy. And maybe you want to wear a suit, drive a sports car and work in a cubicle. If that is true for you then great, but for many other people, that may definitely not work. A part of my spirit is rebellious. I find the things that don’t work in my personal life and destroy them so that I can live more honestly. 

What isn’t working for you? How do you end it? What does success really mean to you? What makes you happy?

FInd Your Freedom,

Andrew (unexpectedly angry this morning, haha)

7.21.18 | IL

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A different kind of COURAGE

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I was watching an episode of the Joe Rogan Podcast when he had Henry Rollins as a guest. If you don’t know who he is, he was the vocalist for Black Flag. They were talking about their inability to work a traditional job. It was a relief to hear that from other people who found success in taking a non traditional path in life. When I was going through one of my spiritual trainings, my teacher told me that working for others would never really work for me. It rang true. I’ve had many jobs and I would either get bored really quickly because there was no longer any room for growth or I would have an issue with whomever was in charge. Henry Rollins mentioned how he didn’t have the courage to just grind it out in a job he hated. I thought that was an interesting way to put it. I quickly realized, I too do not have the courage to just grind it out in doing something I despise. I just can’t. Feel free to judge me, I don’t really care, but I just know myself very well. I’m not better or worse. I’m just me.

Henry Rollins went on to say how he admired those who had the courage to just grind it out, regardless if they liked what they were doing. I admire those who can do that as well, but I would always hope that people doing that eventually shift towards their truth. Anyway, I do believe there is a different kind of courage. It’s the courage to be a pioneer, to go off in your own direction. It’s scary, but this is all I know. I have had so many jobs and it literally feels painful thinking about returning to those jobs. Joe Rogan mentioned how he was doing construction and he felt like he was being poisoned. That felt so good to hear because he has male energy written all over him, yet he is living such an unconventional lifestyle. He does commentary for the UFC, has a podcast and is a stand up comedian. It’s just felt good to hear that because most of what you hear in life is to just suck it up. We are told that as an adult – LIFE SUCKS. I have experienced this, but I knew there was more to life than boredom or a varying degree of despair.

How about LIFE IS AMAZING? Now that is something I can subscribe to. Sure, there are ups and down no matter what, life isn’t perfect, but it doesn’t have to be mediocre or bad.   Life is going to hand you a plate and you either work with whatever you have on your plate or you get yourself a new one. I don’t have the courage to just take the plate I got and ride it out. I do, however, have the courage to get myself a new plate. A plate that represents me and what I love. It isn’t easy, just like how showing up to a job you hate is, but I’m more than happy to take the risk and embrace the unknown…

Find Your Freedom,
Andrew

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An Extraordinary Life

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At age thirty-three, I feel as though my life is just beginning. Unlike most people, I look forward to getting older. I feel this way because I know I will continue sinking into my voice, embracing the aspects of my identity and experiencing more of my dreams.

As a clairvoyant I look at past-lives. I have looked at quite a few of mine and I have seen low lives and high lives. I’ve always had an intuition that this life was going to be very unique. In my early twenties I became very passionate about pursuing my dreams, but never sat back and thought about this life possibly being a high life.

Could I unlock all my abilities and experience all of my dreams? Could this be an extraordinary life? I never wanted to do just one thing. I’ve always been interested in singing, dancing, writing, acting, painting, travel, starting businesses, movies, modeling – the list goes on. You see the lucky few that get to do many things, that get to have a lot in life. Maybe they were born into wealth and opportunity or perhaps they worked their asses off to have what they have. I was not born into wealth, but I am driven. I know if I just keep moving forward, I will experience one dream after the next.

I think something that I will have as I reach bigger dreams is gratitude. I can only imagine that after all the pain and frustration of being stuck and then finally breaking through, I will be immensely grateful. How could I take anything for granted at that point?

I like being an entrepreneur. Despite some frustration, I do enjoy the challenge of starting a new business. I also enjoy having a home on wheels to travel full time. It is interesting because we have met numerous people since we have bought our fifth wheel RV and they have mentioned how they want to do the same at some point. We met a guy in Margate, NJ where we saw Lucy the Elephant (2nd largest elephant structure in the world) and he said, “you guys are living the dream!” It is weird to think about, but I do feel this is the beginning of MY life. It is terrifying, but I am learning to trust myself. I don’t desire or expect perfection and I’m sure there will be some setbacks, but I do believe life is just going to get and better and better. In those last few moments before I die, I want to smile thinking, holy shit – that was one crazy life.

Sure my life has seemed pretty crazy prior to this moment, but something is different now. I feel a change. I feel like I have taken ownership of my life. I feel the freedom and I don’t intend on wasting it. This life is extraordinary.

Find Your Freedom,
Andrew

6.20.18 | NJ

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What picture would you paint?

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It has almost been a month and a half since we have been in New Jersey and I must say I am ready to move on. I think two weeks is my ideal time to stay in one place, but a month is the max for me. What can I say, I like to keep moving. For example, I worked a seasonal job in Colorado and it was amazing. The place and the people were great, but by the time we left, I was ready to move on. 

We have a few more things lined up here in NJ such as another Cape May visit, Stone Harbor and more yoga videos to shoot. After that we hit the road. To be honest I am excited to get out west. I have always been drawn towards it and really like the energy. I also like warm weather.

This experience has been great so far, but it is also very bizarre. I can feel everyones energy. When are you going to settle down? When are you going to get “real jobs?” When are you going to buy a house? When are you going to have children? I feel the demands and expectations for someone who is married and in their early 30’s. 

I would be deeply sad if I did not see the world. You see I’m not afraid of the world. I think it is incredible. I like the idea of exploring others cultures because I have an affinity for new experiences, but also to really see what a place is like. Sometimes I think the television paints fear over certain countries, cultures and groups of people and I just don’t buy it. 

I’m going to travel this world; one state a time, one country at a time, one continent at at time. I’m going to document it through writing, film and music. I don’t care if it takes my entire life.

Life to me is not what my parents say it is. It’s not what the church says, nor is it what my teachers have told me. It is not written in a book. My friends all over the country don’t have the answer. I hold the paint brush, I paint the pictures. This is my life. 

My words may be disappointing, but also may be inspiring. I have to ask though, do you have control of your paint brush? What colors would you paint with? What picture would you paint? What would your life look like?

Find Your Freedom,
Andrew

6.11.18 | NJ

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Internal Landscape

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March your energy down the canals
How could you not, stand strong, stand proud?
If I plugged into my voice, would you hear me clear and loud?
Got my wisdom channeling through, you know my energy is ocean water blue
I like to keep it loose, keep it free, feel my energy move, I like to be me
I can create hip hop beats, but rock concerts are what I see
Man I’m telling ya this is gotta be the ultimate dream
What steps do I need to take?
To feel that rush, to feel like a god
Do I have what it takes?
To step towards this future 
To blow the picture of being a loser
I can see the stage with such clarity
Waves of blue ripping through the fifth with such sincerity 
And a heart open wide, I could connect with the crowd
They won’t be saying I’m quiet anymore, I’m too damn loud
The struggle of reelin in the big fish
Gotta be crazy with what is on my wish list
Some days I’m good, some days I’m pissed
But I know I’ll breakthrough, I know I will find that flow
To master the circuit inside, this internal landscape
You’ll finally hear my voice, you won’t believe what I can create

-Andrew

Artwork by Alex Grey

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Standing in your Truth

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Sometimes standing in your truth takes courage. People may not understand or accept what you are doing, but that is okay. Standing in your truth takes strength. The judgment and invalidation will always be there, but will you? 

“You talk too much,” “You are weird,” “You create too much,” “Sorry pal, big dreams aren’t real.” The list goes on and on. Whatever you handle, will you let it bring you down, or will you laugh it all away? You might not think you are, but you’re stronger than it. What if you stood your ground and continued on your journey? Where would you end up? Would your vision come to life? 

Standing in your truth takes commitment. The way you take care of your body with a good diet and exercise, you have to do the same with living your truth. You have to be loyal to your cause. Remaining loyal will provide a payout better than winning the lottery. Huh? How could anything be better than winning the lottery? Well, in my opinion, experiencing your dreams is worth more than any lottery payout. The peace, the fulfillment and happiness that comes with a dream are priceless. 

I often read about people giving themselves only a certain amount of time to pursue their dream and if it doesn’t work they close up shop. That doesn’t resonate with me. I’m willing to spend my entire life fulfilling my dreams. So, all the invalidation that comes my way, it doesn’t matter. What matters is my courage, my strength and my commitment. A silly judgment from the sideline doesn’t stand a chance with that kind of defense. 

I’m an unusual person, I know, but I’m willing to let things fall apart in order for my truth to sprout. I’m willing to be patient. I’m willing to be criticized. I willing to endure all the growing pains. I’m willing to fail. I’m willing to succeed. I’m willing…

Find Your Freedom,
Andrew

6.4.18 | NJ

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